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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

So, how do I win?

I'm working my way through maybe a dozen different audio books. Ya know,
gotta love fantasy and SF and whatnot. But I'm getting tired of it all.
It's mostly the same.

That's not to say it isn't well written and clever, it is. But I feel
like there's something major missing from my life. And more books ain't
it. <sigh>

I do think "Nina Kimberley the Merciless" sounds like a really fun book,
and when I'm in a mood for reading, this is the sort of book I like to

But tonight I'm thoroughly disgusted with my whole life. And too much in
this particular book resonates with my own day-to-day. Here's the young
barbarian princess, mistress of all she surveys, absolute in power. Her
father is dead, and now she is the ruler of her barbarian force, living in
a recently-conquered wealthy kingdom.

But she has no control over her own life. Her barbarian subjects won't
follow her, because she's a young female. If they did follow, she'd be
leading them back into obscurity and poverty on the wild veldt, and
they've gotten soft with the wealth of their new prize. And she can't
leave, because no one will let her, absolute power notwithstanding.

Seems like, after a certain point, there's no drama left. I have a
(marginally) successful Web Two Point Oh! Media Program, heard in a dozen
countries and two dozen states. Probably one person in each of those. If
I produce something interesting for a larger audience, the larger audience
isn't listening anyway, so who would care? My experiments with stuff I
enjoy more resulted in fewer people listening. And the parts they like
listening to is when I'm totally miserable and rambling incoherently. So
ranting incessantly about how much I hate what I've done so far will only
produce an episode more popular with my existing audience -- without
producing a new and/or larger audience.

Bottom line, I'm not doing anything most folks give a crap about.

I do enjoy the heck out of putting something together that sounds kinda
cool. But Right Now, I'm tired of producing more of the same. Because
that doesn't produce More of the Same Audience. It produces the Same
Audience exactly. Till some of that handful get pissed off and walk away.

And I can't produce something different that I find enjoyable, because
that'll lose me the handful who have bothered to listen so far.

And all this is costing me $10 a month to rent the space. And the time I
devote doesn't even enter into the equation.


At least Nina Kimberley the Merciless has a sword and is allowed to behead
a person or two, as long as she doesn't make a habit of it, and impact the
tax base.

Grizzly's Growls
The Life and Times of a Minor Local Celebrity
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